The Only Boy

4 05 2015

I grew up thinking love was going to come easy.  Mostly because of my beautiful sister. I love her to death but she’s probably the one that has build in my mind an unreasonably high standard when it came to romance. Thinking back, I don’t remember my sister ever being alone. She either had a boyfriend or had someone chasing her. This was made very obvious from the gifts and flowers I’d have to receive at our doorstep on her behalf. Every time, for some reason, it was always me that had to sign for them. 
Once on Valentines day, she had 3 suitors come over back to back to pick her up with bouquets of flowers. It was such a sight to see really. If you’ve seen my sister, you’ll know why. Truly a heartbreaker that one, but grew up to be one with a beautiful soul. 

Today, she’s happily married to an amazing man I’m happy to call my brother in law. He treats her so good and has became a great addition to the family. 

Then that leaves me. My mother had to hold me for my last break up and her heart broke along with mine. She felt every thing and that drove her to be so cautious for me. At some point even wishing I’d never fall in love again so no one could break my heart again. “Your sister has done men wrong in the past.” The beliefs are that her bad doings might be passed on to me, the youngest one. Karma. If i were to be the recipient of all her bad juju, I’m genuinely screwed. 

I’ve never been the sort to want more than one. Everything about it is wrong to me and most of all, who has that kind of energy really Hahaha. When I’m with someone, no other guy can exist that way for me. That’s good news to the man I’m with, bad news if he doesn’t feel or do the same. 

For as long as I’ve remembered, roses have been my pick me up. Whenever i wanted to feel pretty or good about my life, I’d get myself roses. Granted they weren’t from a man but for awhile, I thought it to be empowering to be able to hold my own. All the while wishing and praying someday, someone will love me enough to takeover and be the one to make me feel good. I also often bought flowers for other people, in sadness or celebration. It was a way to earn good juju, by giving. 

My previous relationship was a little hint that the “little sister curse” was going away so easily. 
He was not a bad person. Just a man, in love with someone else (and himself). I had to figure that out during the relationship, and let him choose her in the end. He had told me earlier on in the relationship that he wasn’t the type to buy a girl flowers. I sorta shrugged it off, thinking well, life. A few months after we broke up, A friend of mine, not thinking that it’d have any significance, told me my ex had given this chick flowers for valentines day. That didn’t feel great. 

A few years on, I met Fuad. I told him how much I loved flowers. Much to my despair, he says, almost in the exact same way, that he’s not the type to buy a girl flowers. 

Then it struck me. It wasn’t any of these guys that weren’t the sort, it was me. Maybe I’m not the sort to get flowers. And for awhile, I believed it too. It honestly dug a hole in my heart thinking I wasn’t good enough. Had a few moments where I blamed my sister for it. The curse. I didn’t really believe in it but I didn’t have anyone else to blame. 

Today, well as lame as this sounds, the curse took a hit. ☺️   

   
Boxed roses. Goddamn. This was the damn dream. I was just telling Tabby the other day how gorgeous boxed roses were and how badly I wanted them. Today my dear boy made my dream come true. I was so happy, I would’ve cried if both my parents and our guest maid was intently watching my reaction. 

Fuad has been the only boy I’ve had a new years kiss then watched fireworks with, the only boy I’ve chased sunsets with, the only boy who woke up at dawn because I wanted to see the sunrise and of course, the only boy who wasn’t the sort to buy flowers, but did so for me.  I hope he’ll be my boy, voor eeuwig en altijd. 

I seriously love this boy. 


 

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