Bad Luck Lydia *updated*

8 10 2013

Things like tripping in public places and talking with chili flakes on my teeth have all become amateur stuff for an accomplished and experienced Bad Luck Insert Name Hashtag person. Think of any minor embarrassing accident – it has probably happened to me. This blog acts as both a personal documentation of the stupid shit that has happened to me lately and also serves as something for you to laugh at. I hope my misery brightens your day in some way or at least, help to crack a tiny smile.

All events in this blog are 100% factual. I shit you not, these have all happened. Most of them recently and some in fact, still happening….

1. I Am That Girl That: –

– has had, on more than one occasion, my foot in between HOT hair iron clippers
– trips over my own feet on a daily basis
– gets sunburnt a day before photo day
– more than once had magic 8 ball answer “Yeah Right” 3 or more times in a row to a “does this boy like me” question
– has had the waiter spill an entire glass of lime juice on my back (this was 2 weeks ago)
– hesitated for a minute on a flight purchase and having the price go up $20 within that time
– records an entire performance on video with my hand covering the mic the entire time

– had a HOT guy who was out of my league almost kiss me, before I hit him in the face with a door
– bumps into that very acquaintance that got married 2 days before in a ceremony I had conveniently forgot to attend (this was yesterday)
– has had candle wax all over my foot, and not in the sexy way
– almost choked to death when my earphones miraculously found a way to wrap itself around my neck, then gets stuck on my front door knob when I was running out of my house
– accidentally told a boy I like that I was talking to other boys at the same time
– has a hole in almost every single piece of clothing I own – each with it’s own little story
– violently choked on very spicy tom yum soup with a cute ang moh boy in the room (today)
*- posts a blog about shitty things happening to me then that very same day, had a sewing needle pierce all the way through my foot (i shit you not)

2. Phantallica 

This was also during PotO. My phantom, Brad has this very sweet thing where he collects little ornaments from all the countries he has been to, to put on a mini christmas tree his dad had gotten for him. So I thought an adorable gesture would be to get him a mini merlion to add to his collection. My bestfriend went with me to Chinatown to look for the thing and whilst in one of the stores, I remember holding up a keychain and saying “Aww I think he’d like this.”. Then Sya’s phone rang. It was one of our friends, Zana, offering us a job. To work for fucking Metallica. Now, I had already let go of the fact that I wasn’t able to go and WATCH them. Now BECAUSE of Phantom, I, not only couldn’t watch them as a fan, but passed off a chance to have them in my resume, for the very guy I was gift shopping for. Irony at it’s best. I still got him the merlion because I’m that great of a bro.

3. Uncool Celebrity Encounters 

Almost every single one of my celebrity encounters are cringe worthy. This one isn’t quite Bad Luck Lydia, more so What The Fuck Lydia.

3.1 The first time I met Benji Madden from Good Charlotte at an M&G, my first words to him were “Oh my god Benji. It’s you.”

3.2 The first time I met Jason Mraz, I was about to burst into baby bitch tears because the MTV lady didn’t let me have a picture with him. She literally went “OMG ARE YOU GOING TO CRY IM SORRY GO GO TAKE PICTURE.” In my defense, I was 16 and also, this lady didn’t know Mraz was somewhat still small time and she didn’t know he was gonna be winning Grammys and shit. I did.  Hence, the tears.

3.3 Anthony Raneri. He was here for a solo gig and I wasn’t able to go because I had work (#badluckLydia). My bestfriend, so thoughtfully, got him to make a video of him saying hi to me. I cried. At work. My colleagues might’ve thought I was going crazy. I kinda was. Now, just imagine if I DID meet him that day…

3.4 Mike Herrera and Billie Joe Armstrong both got their backs raped by me. Yes, their backs. I am that creepy toucher.

4.  Iced Lemon Crotch

An ex brought me to the gold class movie theater thingi for one of our dates to watch “The Vow.”. It was incredibly fancy, with a wine menu, waiter service and all that jazz. The couple seats weren’t very, uhm, ‘coupley’. There were 2 separate single couches with not only a table in between, but also a small awkward lamp in the middle. So almost throughout the entire movie, we were twisting and turning ourselves to get close. It was incredibly awkward and weird. The entire time we were doing this, there were 2 glasses of drinks on our table, strategically placed to avoid spills. But being me, the one time we were staying still and actually watching the movie, I turn over and kicked my fresh glass of iced lemon tea and knocked it over, wouldn’t you know it, directly on my date’s lap.  I. Wanted. To. Die. For some reason, he didn’t run away screaming in the opposite direction. Well, not immediately anyway. Which brings me to story number 5.

5. The Expensive Text

During the time this same ex and I broke up, I was going through my phone and deleting pictures and text messages. You know, getting rid of the evidence. There was an unsent message in my inbox that read <pending>. I got curious so I opened it. Noticed it was a looooooong lovey dovey text message I had meant to send him as a reply to him asking me to be his girlfriend. It was so heartfelt and LOOOONG that my phone just gave up and it never got to him. I wanted to read the entire thing so I clicked <read more>. To my horror, the fucking text decided to finally send. Worst of all, the guy was in China for an army thing and that looooooooooong text might’ve probably costed me, more than just emotional torture.

6. Bad Bitches

8th Aug, first day of hari raya and also a 2 show day at the Phantom Of The Opera . It was a humid Thursday morning. I was carrying a few paperbags of kuih raya from home to share with everyone at work and was all dolled up with a red flower in my hair, a kebaya top I had bought for $170 (another FML story. I RIPPED THE FUCK OFF), jeans and these bad bitches…

Photo 9-10-13 12 02 15 am

When I say bad bitches, I mean BAD BAD BITCHES. Like “fuck you guys you are never happening again”, kinda bad bitches. If you notice in this shot, the bottom part of the shoes seem to have dirt on them. I have only worn these once so this is also technically the story of how I ruined these bad bitches. ANYWAY, I was feeling a little woosy from exhaustion and lack of sleep. It had also been raining all night. I’m sure you would’ve already guessed the punchline from the first line of this paragraph, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I fell. HARD. It wasn’t any ordinary fall, I can tell you that for sure. I didn’t slip and go like “HAHA oopsies.” NOPE. The front of the shoe slipped off a curb behind a bus stop, twisting my left ankle and sending not only me, but all my paperbags of kuih flying into the air. It was gloriously horrifying. Just for laughs, the universe decided to make me an extra idiot that didn’t zip her handbag so all my stuff poured out onto muddy grass. So imagine this. My stuff and torso up were on grass and the rest of my body was on the pavement, one level up. Take a second to visualize this scene. I hope that image at least cracked you up a little.

I was in plain disbelief of what had just occurred that I didn’t even bother getting up right away. I just sorta laid there for a little bit and let it all sink in. A few seconds later, a sweet middle aged couple came to my rescue, asking if I was alright. Apparently it looked like I had just fainted so, well, I went along with it. I held out my hand to the lady and said “please help me.” When I said that, I didn’t just mean help me up. I actually meant “please help me and throw me into traffic so this can all stop.”

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One response

10 10 2013
Sya

I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry for you.

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