Faith.

2 08 2012

So this Ramadhan has been relatively interesting. I don’t feel the sense of clarity and peace as I’ve had over the years of fasting. My spirits have been down and it’s been hard to get back up on my feet. Life’s temptations have been constantly shoved in my face and bad decisions, ever so inviting, have been right there waiting for me to make them but I haven’t succumbed to any of it. Alcohol, bad company, bad guys. Everyday is a battle and I find myself constantly having to force a smile on my face, and force a good day on myself. I keep myself busy, so I don’t do stupid shit and I always have God on my mind.

It wasn’t so much of what happened than it was figuring out that everything I’ve ever believed in was total utter bullshit. Basically life proving me wrong. I’ve always been a relatively positive person and tell not only others, but myself to always have faith in the goodness of life and people. These words aren’t empty, and I genuinely believe them.

But my greatest fears, my paranoias, my insecurities, they were all true. So what exactly am I suppose to take from all this?

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