C’est La Vie

23 10 2011

Spirits have been down lately. I feel like I’m being punished by the ghosts of my past.

Truth be told, there were a lot of guys in my past that I toyed with, emotionally. Never promised anything and at the same time, next promised there’d be nothing. I’m not the hottest girl on the planet and I wasn’t back then either, which was probably my strong suit. Not intimidatingly good looking but not entirely hideous. They assumed this meant I was a nice girl. I wasn’t.

I know I was hurting them but because I had been hurt by ONE guy in my past, it made me think it was okay to hurt others. And that’s not fair.

I have 2 of them on facebook. Wouldn’t say we’re casual friends – just on each others list for the sake of being there. Both of them after a few confusing/torturous months/years of me, got girlfriends. And both dudes are still with the same girl to this day. This was 5 years ago.

I don’t feel messed up about this. I honestly don’t. Heck, I’m even stoked for them. They probably hate me and think I’m made of ice. Which I was for a while.

But I think I’ve mellowed over time and age – right now feeling like I actually want to be in a relationship. But people don’t wait. Relationships don’t only come when you’re ready.

Well I fucked up and paying the price I guess. C’est la vie.

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