Daddy, You’re Wrong.

10 09 2009

This new job of mine has done nothing but put a strain on my relationship with my dad. Everything he says now, I do not believe. I don’t find comfort in talking to him about anything anymore because there is nothing about a decision I’ve made on my own that’s not worth mocking to him.

I get that I’m oblivious. I get that I’m a little naive. I get that I’m different. But there is no reason for you to shoot me down. No reason at all.

“Stop dreaming. It will never happen. The sooner you wake up, the sooner you’ll realize that there is absolutely no hope for you. You and your friends can dream all you want but I’m telling you now, it’s not going to happen. So just forget about it.”

So I’m not allowed dreams. I’m not allowed to think outside the box. Technically, my life has been decided. Anything the slightest bit above mediocre, I do not deserve. I should give up dreaming and reaching for my goals in life. I shouldn’t have goals. I should think like everyone else. I should be normal. Anything different is blasphemy.

Mind you, this little conversation of ours occurred twice and he basically repeated everything he said, only to new people, in a public place and social event, so people can laugh at me with him. Enjoy the amusement at my damn expense. For him to repeat his words means he truly meant them. This broke my heart.

Daddy I love you but you’re wrong.
I’m tired so I’m just going to stop trying to convince you that I deserve better than this.
I’m exhausted from arguing with you
I despise the image you’ve created of my future.
I’m sick of you pushing and pushing me further from my goal, and you.
I’m done counting the pieces.
It’s time to mend things.
Think what you may about me Daddy but I will make good for myself.
Even if it kills me, I’ll know I took the chance. If I obey everything
you say, I’d die anyway so why not the leap.

You’re going to hate me for this but it’s my life.
Not yours.
This life should be my idea.
Not yours.
The paths in life I have to take.
Not you.

I’m sorry but you’re wrong.

Bad day. Bad life.



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