My Life: The Punctual Coincidence

10 07 2009
The division.

Breathe proper
Think straight
This is my decision
To make

Man the perfect irony that is my life.

2 days ago, while on my way to book transportation and accommodation for our family trip later this month, my brother calls me on my cell, with my dad’s phone. Since its my FATHER calling, I had no choice but to answer it. He was convincing me to join my dad’s company (he doesn’t own it but he works with it). With my mom staring right at me and my dad probably hogging over my brother, I just agreed to it, KNOWING it’s not something I want to do and knowing I’ll hate myself forever for this decision.

Yesterday, I went on a dinner date with my parents at East Coast and for the whole 30 minute journey there, my dad went on and on and on about why I should take this job and the reasons and plus sides of it all. His plus sides equaled my minus sides.

So I didn’t say much, didn’t respond much, didn’t move much, didn’t breathe much. Depression took its time to sink in. It was this morning that I woke up thinking about where I’d be in 5 years.

Sad. Manufactured. Rushed. Unmotivated. Sad.

Sad :
I wake up every morning, hating myself for my disability. No was the answer.

Manufactured :
Nothing about me, is me.

Rushed :
So quickly into adulthood. Something I wasn’t ready to do.
I feel like I’ve never really spent time being a child.

Unmotivated :
Everything I’ve ever dreamt of, worked for, strived to achieve is no longer
an infinite possibility but simply a failure,co existing with a success
I am part of but will never belong to. It’s too late.

Sad :
Nothing about this life was my idea.

Maybe I was just being over-dramatic but that’s just me. I think too much. I think too far. But do I? Is it wrong of me to expect to achieve something by the time I’m at a certain age? Is it wrong of me to select my own goals? Is it wrong of me to decide how my future was to be sculptured? Is it wrong of me to have a dream?

But in a shocking twist of fate, at exactly 4:58pm, Gramophone saved my life. (Or ruined it. This has yet to be decided.)

I told my dad about this and his reaction was expected. He was mad. Disappointed. Mad disappointed. I don’t blame him. It was not a wise decision. But it was my own. Something I felt I had to do for myself. I think it’s clear to them now that it’s not about the money to me. It’s about my sanity. My dad didn’t believe I had gotten that call. He said it was too much of a coincidence. Too timely. He was right. I couldn’t believe the irony either.
My Life: The Punctual Coincidence.

At 5:28pm, to my greatest delight, my bestfriend receives a call too.
My Life: The Perfect Coincidence.

I thanked my parents profusely for not understanding but respecting my decision. I thanked them every time they said “She’s old enough to make her own decisions. To make her own mistakes.” Yes, this is true. If this was a fall I had to take, I’ll willingly oblige. I know for a fact I’m going to hate my job sooner or later, but let me hate it on my own terms. Let me choose what I want to hate.

So yeah, I start work on Tuesday. I’m excited. πŸ™‚

Another incident that made today awesome:

Reason why Lyds is looking forward to the year ending:

The second tweet happens to be my homegirl Lyn. πŸ™‚

Awesome Shenanigans,
Lyds – 2:20 am

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