Worst Case Scenerio – The Job Hunt

11 06 2009

The Job Hunt

Stage 1:

You start off feeling like every job out there is not worthy of your fresh diploma/degree/3 odd years of mugging, tears, blood and brain splatter. You’re too good for any of these dead end jobs with horrible incomes. You apply for jobs you’ll only see yourself doing for the rest of your life and those that probably require more than the qualifications you possess. You contemplate going back to school but reality strikes you and yeah, you need the money to go back to school. So its on to stage 2.

Stage 2:

No one seems to be getting back to you. (In my case, I went to an interview with high hopes only to find out the employer didn’t bother to read my resume and needed someone who had 50 years experience in the field. Same difference, bigger heartbreak.) You feel like you probably have to lower your standards/asking price. At this point, your mind is reeling to the possibility that the odds of getting your dream job seems to be very slim. You’re still very much hopeful and believe God will help you through this.

Stage 3:

You go for an interview for a job that’s not exactly your dream job, but it seems pretty tolerable. You figure that you’re going to use this as a stepping stone to achieving your highest goal. It’ll also look good on your resume and this will help you gain the experience needed for the dream job.

Months go by and seems like its a no go. You feel you’re not worthy of even your second/third/tenth choice of a job. You spend a week/two feeling sorry for yourself.

Stage 4:

After a brief “Hippo Period”, you decide to take on some temp jobs. This is a nice experience for you because at the end of the day, you have money and the job is not tying you down. You get to enjoy life on the side and this makes you very happy. However, you realize that it only pays for your own personal expenses and your parents are mad at you for living such a careless and self-centered lifestyle. They want you to get a real job or you’re no longer an occupant in the house.

You’re forced to repeat step 3.

Step 5:

The universe hates you. You’re depressed, broke and your parents are in your ear every second of everyday telling you you’re a bum and you’re a useless waste of space in the house. You feel like you’re not worthy of anything and you lower your standards to the very minimal. At this point, you’re up for anything. You decide to go for the first job that wants you. It’s a shitty job but you tell yourself it’s not forever and that it’s a stepping stone to greater things. God loves you and won’t let you continue to living a life you hate. And plus, you’re gonna go back to school.

Step 6:

Years go by and you’re still stuck where you are. All your income is going into helping to pay the mortgage and you’re getting too old to go back to college. Your colleagues hate you and your boss is either a jerk or jerks off to you. You’re done. You’re convinced life is over and that happiness is forbidden in this lifetime. Dreams DO NOT come true.You’re stuck with the worst job in the world and find yourself incapable of enjoying anything in life. There is no God and you want Armageddon (due to scientific reasons) to come sooner than later. You’re a suicide risk.

On a surprisingly good day, you decide to quit your shitty job to chase your dream before 2012.

Proceed back to Step 1.

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